Nature Walk

Living in Idaho is full of random perks, one of them being a winter carnival that is held each year about two hours from our house. We went for the day last year, but decided to make a weekend out of it this go around. We kicked off Saturday morning with a little snow shoeing around the lake. I had to laugh in looking at these pictures - everything looks so serene, so beautiful. All lies. Morgan was whining the.entire.time. She was mad about being cold, mad about her runny nose, mad about the fact that I didn't pack snacks. Basically, she was mad about being alive. There's nothing more heart warming than the dramatic wailing of your child echoing through the trees. Nature, baby.

Once we were back in the car and defrosted, we headed into town to look at the snow sculptures. Local artists had carved mounds of snow into absolutely stunning works of art, only to see many of them ruined on the one weekend that brought 40 degree days and a healthy rainstorm.

Many of the sculptures were interactive. I asked Morgan to pose next to the giant clock; this is what I got. When I told her that I wanted her to smile for me, she yelled out, "Take the picture, Mom. I AM smiling." My bad.

We even got roped into a 15 minute carriage ride that took us on a lovely tour of several parking lots. $12 clearly well spent. 

Before we hit the road, we made a pit stop at the ladies room.

As we walked back to the car, I asked Morgan what her favorite part of the trip was. "The hand dryers with the blue lights. They were very fancy." Of course they were. Don't be surprised when you end up with an empty cardboard box on your birthday.

Change of Heart

Despite my overt disdain for Valentine's Day, David continues to try to make the day special. I realized this year that doing something cute for Morgan is just as important to him as doing something for me. I am sure it's because she's genuinely grateful and doesn't interrogate him about the $3.49 he spent on a %*$& card.

Of course Morgan also wanted to give Valentines to her classmates. Of course I didn't want to have to buy two boxes of Hello Kitty holding little heart bouquets. My friend Hannah recently introduced me to the world of free printables. Printables are really just images that someone with actual talent has created and posted online for other people to use and take credit for. I was on that like white on rice. The only glitch in my plan was convincing Morgan that we should give her friends bookmarks. "But Mom, none of my friends even know how to read!!!" Whatev.

When it was all said and done, Morgan was ready to get her Heart Day on:

I sent Morgan off to school, confident that our little festivities were over. I even briefly considered going shoe shopping after work. Good thing I didn't. I came home to this:

And this:

And this:

He even put on a tie for dinner. I really need to quit being such an ass about Valentine's Day.

Gi-Nastics

After Morgan's dance recital last year, we decided to mix things up a bit. Rather than keep putting her in tights and a tutu, I thought it would be good for her coordination and balance to enroll in gymnastics. I also thought it would be a good way to get her to stop doing flips off the couch and using my ottoman as a pommel horse. In case you were wondering, I was wrong on both counts.

 

Morgan took to gymnastics like a fish to water. It didn't hurt that half her classmates were under the age of three and Morgan was the only one of them who could follow directions for more than 30 seconds. When you're surrounded by kids still in diapers, it's real easy to shine.

 

When we first enrolled Morgan, we were told that they would monitor her for potential promotion to the "advanced" class. Being in the advanced class would mean Morgan would be able to practice on actual gym equipment and put real chalk dust on her hands every week. Like 50 bucks a month worth. When her instructor pulled me aside to let me know Morgan was ready to be promoted, you would have thought she told me Morgan was going to the Olympics. Naturally, I called the entire family and half the neighborhood.





 

Two months later, and here's what I know:

1. "Advanced" gymnastics costs us an extra $10 a month
2. No amount of practicing has enabled my daughter actually say the word "gymnastics" correctly. Her version right now sounds like "gin-ass-tics" --
3. Rather than actually learning what to do, Morgan spends an incredible amount of time just laying on the equipment.

Mary Lou Retton would be so proud.

Randomness

When Morgan was very little, I used to post the funny little phrases or stories she'd tell, mostly marveling at her vocabulary or how she misused words. As she's getting older, the things she says are just becoming more random:

Morgan: Eeny meeny miny mo,

              Catch a tiger by the toe.

              My mom gave me fifty bucks,

              And you are it.

Who the hell ever suggested I was giving anyone fifty dollars?

Me: Morgan, what rhymes with bridge?

Morgan: I don't know, give me a clue.

David: It's where we keep all the milk.

Morgan: Oh, you mean the udders?

Yes, because udders clearly rhymes with fridge. Clearly.

Nana: David, did your friend have her baby?

David: Yes, and she actually delivered her at home!

Morgan: Dad, someone put the baby in the mail box?

And yes, I am just going to let her think that. After she asked me about breastfeeding last week, she told her entire class how much she liked drinking milk out of my boobs.

Cheap Tricks

There was a part of me that was hesitant to post anything this week after our big announcement. Frankly, no amount of Morgan antics can compare with might be on the horizon for us. However, until we actually have a new member of our family, you're just going to have to settle for our regularly scheduled programming...I will try to make it worth your while.

Last Saturday was one of my darkest busiest days as the mother of a preschooler. We had two back-to-back birthday parties, one of which was at Chuck E Cheese. at 6:00. on a Saturday night. AND MY KID HAD NO NAP. I will spare you the details, but we ended up carrying Morgan to the car, as she repeatedly called me stupid while I pinned her into her car seat. Oh yeah, and then she threw her shoes at me while I was driving.

However, before everything imploded, they distributed goody bags to all of the attendees. Frankly, it was the highlight of my day. For less than a dollar, every kid was in stitches, convinced they were Groucho Marx reincarnated. 

Unfortunately, what was precious on a group of little girls was full on creepy on a grown ass man. After we finally got home and got Morgan calmed down (which I am just going to admit involved a corn dog, an orange slushy, and two glasses of wine-don't judge me), David thought he would try on the spectacles to see if he could get me to laugh. While he stood there grinning, I couldn't help but think he was just one step above parading around in a giant mouse costume. Now THAT would have helped me forget my misery...