Sunday, June 15, 2014

Father's Day Fail

From the time someone first asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, my mom encouraged me to become a teacher. "You will have summers off," she said. "You can stay home with your kids," she advised. My first semester in college, I declared myself an English major, confident my love of language would spill forward into the young minds I would eventually shape. But alas, those initial ambitions were short lived, quickly replaced by a 3-credit bowling class and the ever-challenging Math in the Modern World.  As it became clear I would never actually be a teacher, I did the next best thing. I married one.

Over the last ten years, David has enjoyed hard-earned and much-deserved summer vacations. For those of you who begrudge teachers their schedule, I challenge you to spend a month, week, or even a day in a classroom. I guarantee you will be both awestruck and exhausted. That shit is hard.

During his down time, David generally immerses himself with projects around the house and taking Morgan on little adventures. I am infinitely grateful for both of these things. However, the one thing David avoids at all costs is cleaning the house. I often come home to piles of dirty laundry, stacks of dirty dishes, and half-finished craft projects strewn about the house. Despite my begging pleading bitching gentle nudging, David has had no interest in running these parts of our home. He simply says, "Amy, I am just a terrible house husband. Really, I am." A total cop out, but he does manage to keep our daughter alive.

As this has been a running joke for much of our marriage, I thought I would poke a little fun at David's lack of house keeping skills in his Father's Day card this year. I carefully crafted my words, balancing my subtle jab against my gushing praise for him as a father. Except I failed to write one key word:


For the record, I meant HOUSE husband. David, you are not much of a HOUSE husband. But you are my best friend and one hell of a father. We are so lucky to have you...dirty dishes and all.

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